I used to be a Rapper.

No really.

I wrote a rap (well, all but the first line or two, which I totally stole from my friend Steve) in high school.  I added a second verse in college for a poetry class (and got an A).  Finally, I added a 3rd verse a few years after I came on staff.  And it’s pretty entertaining to watch my theology develop through the verses.

I’d rap it on video for you, but I don’t want to be that guy.  You know the guy.  He becomes an internet sensation for doing something that he thinks he’s good at, and nobody loves him enough to tell him not to upload it to YouTube.  I’m not gonna be that guy.

But I will type it out for you. And I don’t think it has a name.

Verse 1, no I’m not doing this for fun
Because I have no fun without the Holy One
Who has risen, He’s quizin’ the heart of every man
To see if there is room inside for Him to stand
Alone we cannot make it, we try with all our might
To spite the fright despite no sight without His holy light
I’m beggin’, no pleadin’, before it is too late
And you’re standing with St. Peter outside of the pearly gates
Without Him, or You doubt Him, don’t know that much about Him.
Only Jesus can please us, don’t leave the world without Him.

Verse 2, don’t think that I’m not talking to you,
Because it’s your turn, to U-turn, to see what JC can do.
Moses had the rod of God, I got the Bible.
It’s God’s word to me, indicated by the title,
It’s holy, and solely for the purpose of good.
I read it to see if I should do the things I think I should.
I’m right, I’m light, so don’t put me under baskets;
I’m on a mission to save souls from rottin’ in the casket
Just ask it, and Jesus will come
Into your heart right through your heart into your bloodstream,
He’s so keen, by no means continue in sin:
’cause like the Bulls with MJ, the Spirit always wins.

Verse 3, let me tell you how it happened to me,
Because by verse 4 he’ll be knocking at your door.
I said before about the rod of God
and if you’re feelin’ this, come on everybody nod.
Age 12, couldn’t nod, steady shakin’ my head,
Both eyes shut, hoping God would leave me for dead.
I was His enemy. But He got into me.
Now, both eyes open, got me begging for bread.
But in my head still runnin’, try’na earn what he gave.
Because I know me, I’m too dirty to save.
I throw in filthy rags, to cover filthy mags
At the bottom of my gold-plated filthy bag.

And that’s as far as I’ve gotten.  I do think it’s fairly neat that the more I’ve gotten into Christianity, the more clearly I see how revolting my sin is.  I’d like to someday add that 4th verse, or at least close out the 3rd verse on something about how even that sin of thinking my sinfulness is beyond Christ’s reach has been paid for.

Watch out, Eminem.  There’s a new white, 30-something rapper on the scene.  And he’s bringin’ the HEAT.  I just need backup dancers and a “Uhh” guy, and we are ready for the world tour.  Who’s with me?