Living the Dream
On Facebook, I just got invited to a group called something like “15,000,000 People for lower gas prices.”
Nope, I’m for higher gas prices.
That’s like making a group called “15,000,000 people for a planet with oxygen involved.” or “15,000,000 people for using facebook as a way to keep in touch with my friends.”
Wow. Way to be an activist.
I use my 2-month old son as a weapon.
Please read the rest of the post before calling social services… it’s a metaphor.
I didn’t even realize I did it, but I use things like the fact he slept 8 hours in a row one night like a little conversational dagger. What I want to happen is for people to surrender that Benjamin is the coolest kid ever (or at least cooler than their kid), and that by association I must therefore be a great parent and consequently a good Christian. I want people to submit in our conversational engagement to my superior skill, intellect, and charm. It’s not even about Benjamin Jr. He’s just the weapon. It’s about me.
What clued me in to how I do this wasn’t even me doing it. Recently a friend reported telling a friend about how Benjamin sleeps though the night. Instead of being happy for us, that friend-of-a-friend actually got mad, because they are a parent of a significantly older infant who is still not sleeping through the night. How silly. They treated the fact that our son sleeps through the night (at least once) as an attack on them. As our friend relayed this information to us, it made me smile, and even wish I had been there. I missed out on someone surrendering!
The saddest part of the whole thing is that it doesn’t stop (or start) with my kid (although it is the latest manifestation). Everything in my life is a competition. My sentences too often start with the words “I”, “Me” or “My.” (yes, I wrote that sentence intentionally ironic.)
What is great about the gospel (in this instance) is that it frees me from slavery to me. I no longer have to compete with others. I am not accepted by God based on my ability to parent. I am accepted because of Christ. What freedom from the competition!
Now, if I could only remember that when somebody asks how he is sleeping at night…
It’s funny how my little man struggles to stay awake. I am sitting beside his crib, standing periodically to shh-shh him, and thinking about how funny we humans are.
We go to great lengths to prove how self-sufficient we are. Benjamin refusing to go to sleep has nothing on my refusal to submit to God some days. And what a silly thing to refuse… Like refusing to take food on an overnight camping trip, or a raincoat on a trip to Seattle. That’ll show ‘em. Luckily I have a heavenly Dad who stands beside my crib while I moan and groan, and continues to graciously put my pacifier back in until I finally realize what’s best for me.
We struggle with what is appropriate to share with folks in life. There are multiple things going on, from our desire to appear as the perfect little missionary family to our aversion to gossip and feeding the folks that thrive on it. But at the same time, we want to be authentic with the things going on in our world. If there is one thing we never want to be accused of, it’s that we put on a happy face and paint over the real issues going on in our lives. So here’s the deal. We are sitting in a waiting room preparing for a CT scan on little Benjamin. The reason we are here is to rule out Cranial Synostosis, or the premature closure of the bones in his head. If he has CS, which is an outside chance, he’ll have to have surgery. You can pray that he doesn’t have to do that, and that this is the last trip down the radiology hall here at Mission for a while. Also pray for us, and the sinful pride that has us scared that people will look at us funny (and that it matters if they do) knowing that we have a kid who is “different” UPDATE: Benjamin is the best kid ever, and didn’t even have to be sedated for the scan. He slept right through it!
Remember earlier today when we confessed putting up a front about how well we are doing and often not being truly authentic with how things are going? Well, there was serious temptation to not even post again when we heard back from the geneticist earlier. The doctor who reviewed Benjamin’s CT scan diagnosed it as Cranial Synostosis, but according to the geneticist it would be best to wait until Monday and get a second opinion from a doc who is more of a pediatric expert. So, more waiting. After a few tears, a few cuss words from me (Ben) about the fact that we can’t afford this stuff (that’s right, I am too often more concerned about the price tag attached to things than how they will affect my son) and some more time to think, we are doing all right. Pray for a reverse diagnosis on Monday.