Tag: baby

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Kids as weapons.

I use my 2-month old son as a weapon.

Please read the rest of the post before calling social services… it’s a metaphor.

I didn’t even realize I did it, but I use things like the fact he slept 8 hours in a row one night like a little conversational dagger.  What I want to happen is for people to surrender that Benjamin is the coolest kid ever (or at least cooler than their kid), and that by association I must therefore be a great parent and consequently a good Christian.  I want people to submit in our conversational engagement to my superior skill, intellect, and charm.  It’s not even about Benjamin Jr.  He’s just the weapon.  It’s about me.

What clued me in to how I do this wasn’t even me doing it.  Recently a friend reported telling a friend about how Benjamin sleeps though the night.  Instead of being happy for us, that friend-of-a-friend actually got mad, because they are a parent of a significantly older infant who is still not sleeping through the night.  How silly.  They treated the fact that our son sleeps through the night (at least once) as an attack on them.  As our friend relayed this information to us, it made me smile, and even wish I had been there.  I missed out on someone surrendering!

The saddest part of the whole thing is that it doesn’t stop (or start) with my kid (although it is the latest manifestation).  Everything in my life is a competition.  My sentences too often start with the words “I”, “Me” or “My.”  (yes, I wrote that sentence intentionally ironic.)

What is great about the gospel (in this instance) is that it frees me from slavery to me.  I no longer have to compete with others.  I am not accepted by God based on my ability to parent.  I am accepted because of Christ.  What freedom from the competition!

Now, if I could only remember that when somebody asks how he is sleeping at night…

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The Struggle

It’s funny how my little man struggles to stay awake. I am sitting beside his crib, standing periodically to shh-shh him, and thinking about how funny we humans are.

We go to great lengths to prove how self-sufficient we are. Benjamin refusing to go to sleep has nothing on my refusal to submit to God some days. And what a silly thing to refuse… Like refusing to take food on an overnight camping trip, or a raincoat on a trip to Seattle. That’ll show ‘em. Luckily I have a heavenly Dad who stands beside my crib while I moan and groan, and continues to graciously put my pacifier back in until I finally realize what’s best for me.

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Hospitals and Authenticity

We struggle with what is appropriate to share with folks in life. There are multiple things going on, from our desire to appear as the perfect little missionary family to our aversion to gossip and feeding the folks that thrive on it. But at the same time, we want to be authentic with the things going on in our world. If there is one thing we never want to be accused of, it’s that we put on a happy face and paint over the real issues going on in our lives. So here’s the deal. We are sitting in a waiting room preparing for a CT scan on little Benjamin. The reason we are here is to rule out Cranial Synostosis, or the premature closure of the bones in his head. If he has CS, which is an outside chance, he’ll have to have surgery. You can pray that he doesn’t have to do that, and that this is the last trip down the radiology hall here at Mission for a while. Also pray for us, and the sinful pride that has us scared that people will look at us funny (and that it matters if they do) knowing that we have a kid who is “different” UPDATE: Benjamin is the best kid ever, and didn’t even have to be sedated for the scan. He slept right through it!

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In waiting for a second opinion

Remember earlier today when we confessed putting up a front about how well we are doing and often not being truly authentic with how things are going? Well, there was serious temptation to not even post again when we heard back from the geneticist earlier. The doctor who reviewed Benjamin’s CT scan diagnosed it as Cranial Synostosis, but according to the geneticist it would be best to wait until Monday and get a second opinion from a doc who is more of a pediatric expert. So, more waiting. After a few tears, a few cuss words from me (Ben) about the fact that we can’t afford this stuff (that’s right, I am too often more concerned about the price tag attached to things than how they will affect my son) and some more time to think, we are doing all right. Pray for a reverse diagnosis on Monday.

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Less diagnosis, more complication and waiting.

Since the middle of pregnancy, we have been sent to one specialist after another, all of them saying that there is a potential for problems and complications for Benjamin.  First it was an outside chance of Down Syndrome, among other issues.  Then it was a possibility of craniosynostosis (spelled that wrong in the previous post), or premature closure of the bones in the skull.

As we mentioned in the last post about the whole ordeal, we were waiting on a second opinion, after a diagnosis of craniosynostosis, and praying for a reverse diagnosis, which we were supposed to hear about today.

We got the call a little while ago from the geneticist, and we learned that the diagnosis is pretty much set.  He has craniosynostosis and the next step is to talk to our pediatrician to see who he recommends perform the surgery, which most likely will take place at Wake Forest.  We’ll let you know when we know about the surgery.

Now, however, there is a new wrinkle in the whole deal.  They saw something in the CT scan that has them concerned about a whole new problem.  (I think I’ve heard this before!) They are going to do an MRI because of some concerns they have regarding the corpus callosum, which is a part of the brain that provides communication between the left and right side of the brain, and helps in many other developmental ways.

The next paragraph is for family and close friends (who are probably the only people interested in this level of detail), but feel free to read anyways!

As far as I can tell from my brief research online, (check out http://www.nodcc.org/ for a very helpful overview of possible corpus callosum disorders), the primary issues that involve the corpus callosum are either that it isn’t there (Complete Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum or Complete ACC), that it’s partially there (Partial ACC), that it’s there but notably thinner (Hypoplasia), or that it’s there but in some other way not formed correctly (Disgenesis of the Corpus Callosum).  There is no known cure for corpus callosum disorders. (God designed the brain, and though we have our best people on it, we can’t seem to find a designer/scientist/surgeon that can hang with God…)

They have scheduled the MRI for Monday (a week from today) at 1:30 PM.  Here’s how you can pray:

  • Pray that we would see and experience the gospel (that we have gotten, are getting and will get far better than we deserve, in Christ) even in the midst of this.
  • Pray that we would have the finances to cover all of this.  Praise the Lord for insurance, but we are still scraping the bottom even to pay 10%.
  • Pray that Benjamin will sleep through the MRI like he did the CT scan.
  • Pray that God would guide and direct the doctors, and give them discernment beyond their own ability and training.

Thanks  so much for praying.  God is doing something!

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